The United States is in a drought. We are all doing our best to curb water usage and waste, but we can do more—we can all learn how to squirt. OK, that may have been a bit of a reach… but I will still teach you all how to make someone squirt, whether that be yourself or your partner.
PREPARE
Just like any new-to-you sex act, comfort is key. It’s pretty easy to get “in your head” to try and be able to achieve your desired climax goal on the first attempt, so make sure you go in without any expectations and just enjoy the experience. Given the aquatic nature of this endeavor, you may want to consider taking some precautions and have everything you need to make sure it’s a fun experience.
Make sure you have these items handy before your fountain fun:
Towels/sheet: During your attempts at releasing the floodgates, there will be (hopefully) a mess. Make sure you are on an absorbent fabric that you don’t mind soaking. You can also settle for a stain-protected couch as well (if you’re brave enough.)
Liquids: What comes out must go back in. Make sure you are hydrated (water/clear sports drinks) so you can gush without looking like a dried-up earthworm on a summer sidewalk afterward. An added bonus is that it gives you a reason to drink more water (because we all know none of us are drinking enough.)
Toys: Not Legos (unless that works for you/) I mean SEX TOYS. Grab your favorite vibrator, dildo, or partner to ensure that you achieve the desired end result—an explosive and drenched orgasm. I personally use a Hitachi Magic Wand (one of those big vibrators) along with a 6-inch dildo to get the juices flowing.
OK, now that you completed your sexual squirting scavenger hunt, we can begin!
GET READY TO GUSH
I feel the best way to start is to knock an orgasm or two out before attempting to squirt. It gets your body in the mood and lubes up all the cogs and gears. Once you’re in that mindset, it makes the waterworks much easier and more natural. Grab your toy and begin the process. You’ll feel your body tense, quiver, or sneeze. (Bodies are weird.) All orgasms are pretty fantastic, I think we can all agree on that. A squirting orgasm takes that mind-numbingly amazing sensation to a whole other level and adds another layer of ecstasy.
Penetration is usually the most direct way to engage the downpour but it can also happen with clitoral stimulation, so it’s the dealer’s choice. When you get to the hilltop and are about to climax and feel that deep pressure sensation—LET GO! Many women engage in what can be described as a “pushing” action to activate the deluge, which is exceptionally effective and amazingly pleasurable. It’s not an “exact” science, so play, experiment, and listen to your body. It will be worth it.
As an added bonus, I enlisted the advice of a 16-year adult industry veteran, Hurricane Fury, who is renowned for her squirting ability, to give us a brief tutorial on her process of becoming a human firehose.
As Fury told Pleaser, “I actually made a video for a tube site that people said helped them. The easiest way to teach yourself how to squirt or to make your partner squirt is with your finger first. You know how you tell someone to come with your index finger? You can do the same motion to make somebody cum.”
She elaborates: “Inside the vagina, you will feel a spongy mound of flesh that is about a few inches up by the navel. Once you feel it start swelling—it’s doing what a sponge does. Filling with fluid. That’s how I know when it’s cumming.”
Fury continues, “Stroke it, massage it, play with it, but use that ‘come here’ motion with your finger[s]. Just see what you or your partner respond best to. Keep working that motion. You or your partner may feel the need to urinate (they aren’t going to). When you or your partner feel like the pressure is too intense and that they are going to cum, squeeze those walls! It’s like squeezing a sponge. At that moment when the walls are tightening and convulsing, it will cause the fluid to shoot out. Even if it’s just a trickle, once you get the hang of it–water park!”
AFTERMATH
As I prefaced earlier, it’s easy to be hard on yourself if the desired monsoon isn’t immediate. Give yourself a break and try again when you’re up to it. When it finally does happen for you, it may be a small trickle, gush, or hell even a Bellagio fountain-style explosion. The purpose of squirting is to take your pleasure and sex life to another level and add a bonus layer of excitement. It’s an excellent way to spice up your bedroom antics, give your partner a treat, or even wash the dishes (if you’re into that).
Squirting FAQ
I’m sure you may have some questions regarding squirt so I will try and cover some of the most frequently asked ones:
What does squirt taste like?
Just like any bodily fluid, it varies from person to person. In my experience (from sampling my own and others) it is 9 times out of 10 pretty tasteless. That is also an added bonus and importance of the hydration prep. The more hydrated you are, the better the taste.
Is squirt pee?
Technically, because it comes out of the urethra, there are traces of urine in it. It is, however, a totally different liquid. It doesn’t taste or smell like piss so there is no reason to be hesitant about showering yourself (or a lucky partner) in it.
Can anyone squirt?
Physically, everyone is capable of it. It mostly comes down to being in tune with your body and finding what works for you to open the floodgates. I don’t want to make a blanket statement and promise that anyone WILL squirt, it may not happen for some. Don’t be disheartened if you are one of those people—it’s still a lot of fun to attempt!
OK, now that we had a brief tutorial on the ins and outs of squirting, go grab your galoshes, umbrella, and a poncho: GO GET SOAKED. Also—please don’t sue me if your furniture or flooring suffers water damage.