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About a year and a half ago, I received a beautiful gift: A Chakrubs rose quartz wand.
It arrived in beautiful packaging with a scented note on lightly translucent paper. The paper described what the stone was used for and how to prepare it for use. I lifted it out of soft, cream-colored velvet, nestled next to a small selenite wand in a silk pouch.
Recently, it broke.
Picking up the pieces, I mourned for the end of this phase of life we shared. This stone has been my sexual healer. It has carried me into exploring my sexual past as well as my ideal future. It has been magick.
How my Chakrubs rose quartz wand broke
I recently moved myself, and very few belongings, across the world to be with my long-time, long-distance lover. After five years apart, I wondered how our love might translate to the physical presence of each other.
It went well.
What was meant to be two weeks of reunion has blossomed into my remaining here and us deciding to build our lives together in a way we can enjoy more fully. As we cried and loved increasingly more deeply in each other’s arms, circumstances shifted in favor of us coming together more solidly.
After a beautiful and loving sexual union, I devotedly brought my Chakrubs rose quartz wand to the bathroom for some tender cleaning. Resting it on a shelf to dry as I rinsed my hands of soap, I accidentally nudged the shelf. The quartz fell a few feet onto the tile floor below and broke in half. Bits and chunks of crystal dust glittered on the floor. In the cracks, I saw my memories growing dim and my hopes for more experiences together shatter.
Moaning all the morning, mourning all the night
I don’t remember if I cried, but I’m sure I must have, though not at first. At first, I slowly crumbled towards the floor, grabbing pieces and fitting them together, losing more crystal dust in the process. I did my best to clean up the floor. In my cupped hands, I cradled my precious gift and returned to the bedroom.
“It broke.”
My loving partner stopped me in his arms and held me. He knew it was my favorite wand. My partner saw me in the throes of passion, legs shaking and body sweating, gently guiding it with my fingers. He studied how it glided across my clit and flicked just the right spot with just the right timing. And he learned how to love me better from it.
“Maybe we can glue it back together?”
What is the Chakrubs rose quartz wand good for?
Time for some hippy science. All of existence is comprised of energy, or so pop physics will have me believe, and I’d like to believe it, thank you very much. Now, if all things have energy, crystals also have energy. Crystals are lovingly created in the earth and each type of crystal has its own energy that can be used for specific purposes.
So, let’s just say this is true. Sure, there’s not a ton of evidence to satisfactorily prove that crystals have an energetic field (that I’m aware of), but this is the mechanism through which this stone is supposed to affect one’s sex life.
Rose quartz is all about heart healing. It is a stone of the heart and as such, it can be a powerful tool in healing and growing all things to do with erotic love. This is why this stone is recommended for those seeking to heal their sexual trauma. I have sexual trauma that needed healing, so I was eager to see if the Chakrubs rose quartz wand would make a difference in that way for me. Much to my astonishment, I think it did.
Sexual trauma
I was born and raised female, and like many others, I experienced sexual violence young. It started with attacks on my personal space and boundaries paired with devaluations of my sense of self. That later made it much easier for men to cross my boundaries and take what they wanted from me with little to no outward resistance. This grey area left me feeling unsure of how to account for my depression and shame, or even what to call what happened to me.
I will spare you the details, but I will say that I was so deeply entrenched in abuse that I didn’t recognize it for what it was until it had already affected several relationships and the majority of my life. Though I had been on a trauma-healing journey for many years already, the rose quartz supported my healing on a whole new level.
Maybe it was a coincidence. Or the placebo effect. Maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe it was a powerful spell. Or maybe it did exactly what I’d hoped it would do.
Self-love
I didn’t really masturbate much, and if I did, I was always somehow emotionally removed from the experience. I definitely had some intimate times on the stairwell’s railing as a child, but I was never the sort of hand-down-my-pants, fingering-myself kind of person. Probably too much internalized shame. Any time I did try to have an old-fashioned analog wank, I gave up after a few minutes.
I made a concerted effort to be patient with myself while using my wand. I set time aside for it and took the time to roll the cold stone across my body and relax myself before going straight for the clit. Each time, I tried to spend more time with myself.
Having this luxurious and beautiful wand encouraged me to take my own pleasure seriously. Maybe the rose quartz helped on a metaphysical level, too, but I think the biggest impact came from accepting that I deserve nice things. That I deserve pleasure. And that I deserve to take my time with it.
On a mountaintop, I climaxed using just my wand and my hand. It felt amazing.
Camping gone wrong…and then very right
Months after I’d been using my rose quartz wand, I went on a road trip with my roommate across Canada. We were making our way across the coast and we decided to do some back-country camping. We chose a spot that was on a mountain. It was only accessible by foot after a long and difficult hike, but we thought it sounded too good to pass up.
We packed our lightest weight tents and as much water as we could reasonably carry, along with some snacks and other essentials for the one night. The hike was beautiful with lush, green moss-covered trees as we wondered to one another what our campsite might look like. We talked about what we planned to eat, how we might spend our daylight hours before bed, and whether we might come across any bears.
After a few hours, we discovered that we had walked a very long and difficult journey in the opposite direction. Not only that but that we found after we walked the difficult journey back, we would then have an even more difficult path to our campsite. My roommate decided to give in and get another site near the road. I decided to forge ahead.
A date to remember
We weren’t able to cancel our camping spot, so I refilled my water, rearranged my gear, and headed out to climb a mountain. I took with me some mushrooms and my trusty rose quartz wand and managed to climb to the lookout just in time to watch the sunset. It was so beautiful that I couldn’t help but cry. The lookout was at the peak and it was so narrow that you could easily hop between the two sides to watch both the eastern and western horizons. Gorgeous.
Once the sun set, and with all my extraneous things in an airtight bag hung from a tree up the path, I snuggled up into my sleeping bag and had one of the most sensually liberating self-love experiences of my life. As I was approaching climax, I saw a vibrant shooting star cross the sky in front of me. Self-fulfilled and dreamy, I fell asleep.
The next morning, I awoke to watch the sunrise. I stripped off my clothes and stretched through yoga poses, naked in the morning golden sun. As I cheerfully hiked back down the mountain, singing through the forest, I realized and finally felt that I really am my own best lover.
Did the Chakrubs Rose Quartz Wand work?
I think so. In the time that I had this crystal in my possession and used it regularly, I made huge leaps and strides in my healing. I had many cry-gasms and epiphanies paired with comforting and loving moments. I have used it alone and with partners and somehow, through it all, I’ve managed to achieve the sex life of my dreams with my ideal partner.
In being patient with myself, I discovered more and more of what my body loves. After learning to love myself, I was then able to teach someone I love how to love me. After the spell had been fulfilled, the talisman broke.
It is said that crystals break when we have outgrown our need for them. In a way, I do feel like this has been a rose quartz Mary Poppins. One that’s now vanished into the wind. Here just long enough to help me heal and hold on to love.
What now?
I have space for a new sex crystal in my life now. What will I try next? Green or Orange Aventurine? Amethyst? Obsidian? Rhodonite?
There are many options and all of them seem wonderful. I am excited and curious to see how future stones will impact my sex life. What pact will I make with myself to improve my sex life? I trust that the right stone will make its way into my life and that it will encourage me to foster a new energy to enjoy.
Until then I will keep my broken rose quartz wand. Perhaps tucked under my bed, in the hopes that its energy will continue to release sensuous vibes from beyond its grave.
