Everyone is always looking for ways to spice up their time in the sheets with their partner (if you’re not, I need to talk to you because I might be bad at sex.) A simple and more importantly—FREE way to do so is to utilize dirty talk while participating in the horizontal lambada. I know it may sound daunting and intimidating but have no fear, I am here to be your filthy talk sherpa!
I have had a crash course in the art of talking dirty thanks to my 10-year career in the adult industry. It didn’t come easily to me right away, though. I was worried I was talking too much during scenes and that I should stick to moaning. I quickly realized that for what I enjoyed and would want to see and hear on screen, there definitely needed to be more than just the sound of rhythmic ball slapping.
I slowly started implementing small verbal blurbs such as “just like that,” “harder,” and “don’t stop.” Soon thereafter, I found the most important aspect that dirty talking needs to be successful: CONFIDENCE! I went from 0 to 100 and was having full-on monologues while getting my clam slammed. It took my enjoyment and pleasure to another level. With a little bit of practice and some horniness—you can excel at it too!
GOALS
Couples may choose to add dirty talk to their sex lives for a ton of different reasons. Some may do it to take their stimulation to the next level while others want to explore fantasies and kinks. Whatever your reason may be— make sure you communicate with your partner not only what you want to get out of implementing it—but also what THEY want by to achieve by adding explicit gab behind closed doors. It’s extremely important that both of your goals align for it to be an effective and sexy part of your genital bumping routine.
TALK BEFORE THE TALK
Some phrases and/or words that may be a turn-on for you may very well be a turn-off for someone else. Sit down with your sexual sidekick and discuss boundaries. Are certain words or phrases you enjoy going to kill the mood or vice versa? Are there any triggers that may be activated with certain topics?
The goal of adding spicy language to your sex life is for BOTH parties to get off, not get turned off. An added bonus to having this convo is that it may be an opportunity to share some information and history that may not have been discussed in your relationship before. It’s a win-win!
START SLOW
After you do the above, the next step is to ease into it. You don’t have to jump right into it with “spit butter in my ass” the first time. It can be daunting to determine where to begin, but luckily there is an easy and non-intimidating way to start: ask questions! “Does that feel good?” “Do you like it, baby?” “Want me to ____ you harder/faster?” It works in two ways: it shows your partner that you’re catering to their needs and pleasure while you get the direction you need to get them to their orgasm oasis. Inversely, you can employ an ‘ask & response’ technique.
Example: “Tell me you love my big/hard/wet/juicy ____” (whichever is appropriate for your partner’s downstairs parts.) It is not only a turn-on to get to hear the phrases that get you off, but it also lays a blueprint for other raunchy romps that you and your partner can utilize during other sexy sessions.
IT’S OKAY TO LAUGH
Take it from me—flubs happen. You’ll be in the moment, things are getting hot and heavy and you’ll mispronounce a word or even say the wrong anatomical part! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a partner laugh because I told them to suck my balls instead of my tits.
Luckily, we both had a long hard laugh afterward. A way to mitigate having as many mess-ups as I did is to take your time when spouting naughtiness. You don’t have to rapid-fire it like you’re in a game of trivial pursuit. And most importantly: don’t be too hard on yourself if you make a dirty talk faux pas- it’s part of the process!
TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL
Once you have dipped your toe (or other body parts) into the world of sexy sentences, it’s time to amp up the intensity if you and your coitus cohort need a little more tantalizing talk. Hopefully, after utilizing the above tips, you and your partner/s understand what you want to hear and you know what they want to hear in return.
Feel free to let your imagination run wild, explore role-play fantasies, and ask to be praised (or even degraded if that’s your thing!) Something that often happens is it can be easy to draw a blank when in the throes of passion. If this happens to you, a safe topic to always stick to is complimenting your partner: “You look so hot in this position!” “You taste so good!” I mean, who doesn’t enjoy a sex compliment?!
Now that we have come to the end of our tantalizing tongue tutorial, let’s recap:
-Establish goals
-Discuss boundaries
-Take it slow
-Don’t be afraid to mess up
-Gradually increase based on your shared comfort level
What are you waiting for? Go do some vocal warm-up exercises, grab a breath mint and get to it!