A Sorkin-esque ode to paying for porn

The Internet has made it easier than ever for anyone with a laptop, or even a smartphone, to access pornography without ever having to open their wallet. So why do some people continue to shill out cash for premium access to online pornogrpahy? Who could justify such needless spending? And doesn’t that make it, well, ickier?

Above Average’s clever new video answers that question with a hilariously moving speech delivered to a Sorkin-esque soundtrack. The man on trial loves his “porno,” and he loves it high-quality, replete with imaginative story lines and flawless cinematography. Watch to the end for his vivid description of an X-rated film starring rival lady pirates who find a treasure map “shaped like boobies.”

The video is part of Above Average’s Congressional Hearings series. For more serious investigations of inexplicable behavior, check out these videos on “vaguebooking” and people who take workout selfies.

Screengrab via Above Average/YouTube