Watching porn is traditionally seen as a solitary activity, practiced when a partner isn’t around. But—WHY?! If you can share a visually stimulating activity with your partner, combined with a physical one—it’s a win-win!
So how does one go about bringing up the topic of wanting to watch steamy smut with your partner? Have no fear! I, sex expert and former mattress actress Missy Martinez, am here to help you navigate these tantalizing waters!
WHAT TO SAY
Communication is obviously key in any relationship, whether it be a hook-up or even a 40-year marriage. Watching spicy scenes needs to be a JOINT agreeable venture. Imagine your dirty-deed partner going to a website, clicking on a porno without talking to you about it, and having it blast on your computer or TV. While it may be a pleasant surprise for some, it could be a potentially disastrous one for others.
Talk about your goals in adding some visual stimulation to your time in the sack. What do you seek to achieve and explore? Discuss how often you’d like this to occur. Is it only for Tuesdays and bank holidays? Every time you do the deed? Make sure you’re both on the same porno page when it comes to frequency and expectations. There’s no such thing as over-communicating in the bedroom!
WHAT TO WATCH
This is a pretty important part. Since you’ve already been given the go-ahead from your sack mate that watching porn as a pair would be a fun addition to your romp routine, what do you choose to watch?
Depending on your sexual experiences and proclivities, you may both be gung-ho about jumping right into some intense BDSM scenes or something else hardcore. If that is not the case, I have a few ideas to help you out!
If you’re starting from square one, try what I call “browsing the porno menu.” Now before you start chewing on your laptop screen, let me explain. Go to your favorite site and scroll through the newest or top-rated scenes. If one strikes your fancy (and especially your partners’) give it a click!
If it isn’t cutting the mustard, repeat until you find the one that ticks all your boxes. Another option is to talk about what turns you both on sexually, identifying categories like lesbian, blowjobs, orgy, feet, or big butts, and narrow your searches from there. A bonus? You may learn something new about your partner’s desires!
WHAT TO DO
Congrats! You found the perfect scene—now what the hell do you do?!
It can potentially be a bit of an awkward start for obvious reasons. I feel the best thing to do is: START GETTING FRISKY! Watching porn is meant to be an ADDITION, not the main attraction. Hearing the moans, sounds, and squeals in the background while pleasing one another is an auditory turn-on! Even if you’re not able to see the screen, you can let your imagination run wild picturing what naughtiness is happening.
Another great activity is to mimic and copy the acts (if feasible) that are playing out. If the stars are in doggy, do that position. If it’s an oral sex portion, chow down! With good timing, when it’s the grand finale at the end of the scene, you can also imitate where the “fluids” land. You might even learn a new position that you can add to your sexual repertoire!
You can also add a dirty talk element by saying to your lover things along the lines of “Ooo, I’d love for you to do that to me!” “[insert sex act] is so hot!”
The sky is the limit!
WHAT NOT TO DO
As with any new sexual undertaking, some potential snafus could arise. In this case, it could be some unexpected emotions coming to light.
Jealousy isn’t uncommon when it comes to porn and partnered relationships. There can be a perceived, whether real or false, sense that their partner finds other people “more” attractive. It can be a blow to your self-confidence to feel your partner desires someone over you. The beauty of pornography is that it is a FANTASY. It’s not real. From lighting and editing making stars look their best to the fact that they are paid to stay in peak shape, porn doesn’t necessarily reflect the reality of sex or relationships.
That being said, that doesn’t negate the feelings you, or your partner, may have. If you or your lover ever start to get that pang of jealousy—don’t let it stew! Talk to them, let them know how you’re feeling. Get on the same page and adjust accordingly.
On other things not to do, a good practice during your horizontal ho-down is not hogging the scene choices! It’s polite (and politeness is sexy) to make sure all parties have equal input. A good way to make sure this happens is to alternate on who picks the scenes! Everyone involved gets what they want, and everyone benefits!
TIPS
As someone who has extensive experience watching steamy flicks with my significant other, I have a few nuggets of wisdom that may help you prepare for your couples’ viewing experience:
- Ethically consume your porn! By that, I mean don’t use websites where the sexy scenes are stolen from legitimate sites and independent creators. The best way to help the XXX industry and your favorite performers is to PAY FOR YOUR PORN.
- Set the mood! Whether it be a glass of wine, some candles, or a bag of potato chips—take the time to make sure it’s an enjoyable and stress-free process to pleasure for both you and your partner.
- It may not be for everyone. There is always a chance that pairing porno with your poundings won’t work out comfortably for you or your partner. Don’t become disheartened, there are plenty of other ways to spice up your sexy time! Maybe my blowjob tips, dirty talk, or squirting guide could be a better fit?
There you have it! Sit down with your lover, talk it out, choose a scene, and go to town!