The most hilarious trademark dispute in MILF porn history

In the wonderful world of XXX titles, a website called Moms Bang Teens ranks fairly low on the Smut-o-Meter (for comparison, Fresh-Ass: Based on the Novel ‘Tush’ by Ass-Fire would probably fall somewhere in the middle). Yet when it comes to deeming what is and isn’t obscene, the U.S. Appeals Patent and Trademark Office has a decidedly lower bar than the adult entertainment industry.

In a bizarre semantic dispute that will surely perplex linguisticians and grammar wonks for years to come, the adult entertainment company Manwin is contesting the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office’s rejection of their application to trademark their website Moms Bang Teenson the grounds that the term “bang” is “immoral or scandalous.”

Attorneys for the adult entertainment giant are arguing that the words is inherently “non-offensive,” citing its multiple dictionary definitions’ frequent usage in mainstream media such as The Big Bang Theory and Ricky Martin’s 2000 hit “She Bangs.”

According to court documents, the company, which owns and operates streaming adult websites Brazzers, YouPorn, and PornHub, initially filed an application to trademark Moms Bang Teens in February 2012. It was rejected by an attorney for the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, on the grounds that the word “bang” is inherently vulgar.

The office also objected to the name of the website itself, as it describes “in vulgar fashion the act of older women having intercourse with younger persons between the ages of 13 and 19” (which, all things considered, is a much better name for a website than 

Rather than rolling their eyes and muttering “Whatever, Grandma,” attorneys for Manwin issued a tongue-in-cheek 10-page appeal, arguing that the word “bang” has “numerous alternative and equally applicable meanings” and that it was not inherently sexual. To bolster their argument, they cited numerous adult entertainment-related entities that had already been trademarked, including the adult entertainment company Bang Bros. They also included the following, hilarious list of non-sexual usages of the word “bang” in popular culture:

  • The Big Bang Theory is a highly popular situation comedy television series broadcast by CBS that is the recipient of multiple awards. 
  • “Bang!” is a card game with a “Wild West” theme. 
  • Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a 1968 movie recently released on DVD.
  • “She Bangs” is a 2000 song by the recording artist Ricky Martin which reached Number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. 
  • “Let’s Go Bang” is the title and lead single of an album by the recording artist and actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, released in 1995 by Atlantic Records. 

Aside from demonstrating the breadth of Manwin counsel’s knowledge of popular culture, which appears to be limited to the first and second Clinton administrations, the list concludes that the word “bang,” “even if used to reference or suggest sexual intercourse, does not offend or shock general consumers in the United States in the year 2013.” With the obvious exception of bangs themselves, because they cause hairline sweat and forehead acne and are generally much grosser and offensive than MILF porn.

H/T | Illustration by Fernando Alfonso III